it's not that serious !!!
life's a sweater and I want it to be cozy as hell.
Dear Sondra,
It’s midday on a sunny, though windy, summer day here in Stockholm, and I’m about to catch a train to the airport. I’m headed to Paris for a few days before finally going back home to San Francisco. This week has been full of people that I am so incredibly sad to have to leave in a different country. If only you could scoop people up, put them in your pocket, and take them with you wherever you go. There’s been a lot going on in this brain of mine the last two weeks, but I’m so grateful to have had the backdrop of Scandinavia to sort through it all. (I’ve listed my recs at the end if you’re curious!)
I’ve done a lot of thinking this trip. Really that’s why I’m here – of course, my work asked me to come, but back home I was in this place of deep and confusing questioning. It felt a lot like JP Saxe’s song “Fear and Intuition,” which I think is such a genius lyrical representation of not being able to decipher what the right path forward is. Sort of getting stuck in the decision making (If you haven’t listened to this, you absolutely should). I’ve been reading back through a lot of my old notebooks, and my scribbles from an evening in Sausalito about a month ago seem to explain it pretty well:
“Here I am, yet again sitting by the sea. I’m not sure why I’m so drawn to it, but there’s something so lovely about the way waves hit the shore so rhythmically. My bare feet climbing down the rocks to find a good place to perch myself. Here everything feels small. Less contemplative. But here, I am yet again, unsure. The plight of someone overly cautious. I’d like, just once in recent years, to feel definite. To be as inwardly confident as I am outwardly about places, and people, and my love of life itself. But I remain unsure. Scared that a becoming will be missed. That somehow this version of me will ruin a woman I could be. But as anything, the one thing more terrifying than choosing, is not. I’m so much more scared of never changing, never growing, and never creating. Whatever it may look like. At least I can count on sitting on rocks and watching the water - that seems to be a constant.”
To hear you talk about your communities and the nature of fireflies lit me up from the inside (get it?). I’m so happy to know that you have people around you who make this little life a bit more joyful and a bit more kind. People who see you as the incredible human being you are, and know, and love you for it.
I think that’s been one of the big reminders while I’ve been abroad – you can’t predict the future.
Where you’ll end up and who you’ll meet. There’s no point in trying to figure it out— because most of the time the outcome is something you didn’t even think to consider was an option. In this way, I’ve been reminded to lean into my communities, as you are, creating a bit more space for them.
Oh, and also, I’m learning how to knit.
I don’t mean this literally, though knitting with yarn is also a great skill and pastime.
Instead, I knit with decisions, with people, with cities, with life.
I’m almost finished reading through “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker, and one of the not-so-explicit themes is learning how to knit people together. To see and make room for the small, seemingly insignificant details, and utilize them to find common ground and share vulnerability. This seems to be a big part of creating successful and meaningful gatherings.
And I can’t help but think, what is your life, but a gathering?
We gather people, skills, jobs, cities, hobbies… the list goes on.
And all of these things affect each other, evolving with the environment they’ve been put in, and setting the standards for what interactions are encouraged moving forward.
As I start to head back to my city, this idea will be my guiding light. I’ve got a lot of decisions to make, but instead of letting them drown me, stuck in the “what ifs” of it all, I’m going to just keep knitting. Gathering what and who I love, and aspects of who I want to be, and knitting them all together – not too focused on what larger picture that might all lead to. Instead, focused on the fabric that I’m going to make it out of.
What helps you when making life decisions? How is summer there in Texas?
I can’t wait to hear more about you and this beautiful life you’re creating for yourself.
With love,
💙 V
If we only had one day in each city, this is where I would take you:
Copenhagen – We’d start of course, with coffee and pastries at Juno the Bakery. They’re known for their cardamom buns, and in my opinion, you should eat as many of these as possible while you’re in Scandinavia. We’d make our way down to Kongens Have, to wander around this beautiful little park, talking about life and sipping our cappuccinos. Of course, you’d have to see Nyhavn, so that avenue is next, taking in the beautiful colorful buildings and old sailboats. In general, wandering around the city streets is really what gives Copenhagen it’s charm– it’s one of the quietest cities I’ve ever been to, where you can enjoy the rarity of hearing the birds chirping and trees swaying. Next up, we’d take bikes across the water to La Banchina – this adorable little cafe with a swimming hole. In the summers, the adjacent docks will be covered in people tanning, reading books, and sipping wine. We’d head a block or two up to Reffen, a massive shipping container maze of food stalls and breweries, and then wander back into the main city center for some vintage shopping, drinks at Mikkeller Bar, and dinner in the Meatpacking District.
Stockholm – I haven’t truly gotten to be a tourist here, but I’ll say we must start with brunch (Stockholm is a brunch city!) at one of these cafes: Pom & Flora, Greasy Spoon, STHLM Brunch Club, or BKH Cafe. We’d wander around Norrmalm, go for lunch at Kapibara (yummy ramen), walk around the oldest part of the city, Gamla Stan, and then make a stop at Meatballs for the People to make sure you got your proper intake of Swedish meatballs. Next would have to be some sort of boat tour. Sweden boasts an incredible 200,000+ islands within its borders, and Stockholm is no exception– it’s one of the things that makes this city so unique. We’d end the night with rooftop drinks at Freyja + Soder, and then go for a girls night out at this insane maze of a club, Tradgarden. With different indoor and outdoor rooms, ranging music, and bars everywhere, you’re pretty much guaranteed a good night here.