how to become seaworthy

my rules on personal maintenance and surviving the storm

Dear Sondra,

It’s an incredibly rainy afternoon here in Sausalito, and I am huddled up inside with a cup of coffee, watching the wind shake solid things outside. It’s lovely to have a little weather after the concerningly gorgeous month that was January, but it’s also like my insides have poured out into the weather. Or maybe the state of the world has poured into me? Maybe it’s a little of both.

A mixing of things.

When I get the chance, I wander out to the dock here and watch the boats tip to and fro, their masts creating a bobbing effect that reminds me of river reeds swaying in the wind. In storms like these, I can’t help but worry that some boat might finally lose hold, their ropes snapping under the pressure and sending the ship out to sea. It’s a rarity, but the sort of tall tale the old, salty men would recount as a reminder to double-check your lines. Of course, after it all calms down, and the sea once again becomes a reflection of the sky, workers will filter down to their vessels, taking buckets or pumps to bail collected water after the long rains.

Sailors, in some way or another, seem to be in a constant state of keeping things afloat. Boats are not easy things to own, and yet, they’re so deeply adored by their owners. Carefully maintained and fixed, and constantly in a place of “needing.” It feels a bit like the human experience. We are “needing” people— constantly requiring maintenance. Of being bailing out after a bad storm. We have rules to protect the vessel the same way sailors do.

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If you can’t tell, I started work last week at a boatyard and educational non-profit here in Sausalito. I now spend eight hours a day in a historical warehouse surrounded by woodworking, painting, metal works, and cranes lifting boats into the air. We do many, many other things as well, but the boating mindset has bled into my day to day. Reminding me not only of the muddled nature of boats, but also of human beings.

Life lately has been like a “shakedown cruise.”

For those who don’t spend an odd amount of time around sailors, this is the traditional first sail after a boat has been built and launched into the water. Even straight out of the factory, boats are known to be imperfect. To have personalities and broken parts. The shakedown cruise is meant to pull all of these issues out of the woodwork so they can be identified and fixed.

It’s a rule of the sea and of boat building.

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The last few weeks have seen Galentine’s Parties, pancake breakfasts on the beach, a new job, and a multitude of laughs with close friends. It’s also seen medical problems, stressful decisions, and my cousins getting in a plane crash here in California (they are going to be okay!!) Things have been coming out of the woodwork, and I’ve created a few “rules of the sea” so-to-speak to handle them.

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1. Love is unconditional. Relationships are not.

I’ve stood by this statement since the day I came up with it my Freshman year in college. I haven’t always acted on it, but I believe it wholeheartedly. Love is this broad, all-encompassing thing that I call a fabric of our universe (it feels silly to equate it to a measly emotion). True love, platonic, romantic, familial, etc. should be given unconditionally. With no rules or caveats or requirements.

But relationships— relationships have boundaries. You can love someone unconditionally, friend or otherwise, and be adamant about the fact that your relationship and interactions with them have conditions. These are healthy and encouraged, and something I’ve been trying to be clearer about in my life. This idea is my guiding light when it comes to the people around me.

2. Life isn’t happening to you. It’s happening with you.

There’s that famous quote, “Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you,” but if I’m honest, that feels like bullshit. Sometimes, it sure as heck isn’t happening for you. Sometimes it’s not even happening for someone else. This is why I exist solely with the idea that life is happening WITH you. You’re hand in hand and built to take on whatever it throws at you. It’s not always kind, and often it’s wildly unexpected, but you can keep walking. That’s for certain.

3. Every person is a lesson or a blessing. Sometimes they’re both.

I’m very intentional about the people I keep around me, but I’m also incredibly open to whoever life wants to put in my path. This is the basis of that practice, believing that everyone can have a use and purpose in your own life, which leads me to befriend people I would have never thought to. No one should be discounted. Even if their only purpose in your life is to have a 3 minute conversation over your coffee order every Friday. If it brightens your day a little, it’s useful.

They came out with a few studies about this, and while none of the studies could prove causation, they did find a correlation between day-to-day happiness, and having a more diverse set of interactions the day before. I’ll tell you I feel it — I chat with the security guard at the concert and message people on instagram that I haven’t talked to in years. I’m open to the world and I swear, that opens the world to me.

4. Value is a monster of your own making.

We’re only given so much time, and you’re spending it. Fuck the traditional rules of value and productivity. If you enjoy and value watching a sunset, is it not worth the time you’re spending? This idea radicalized the way I run my life, and encouraged me to properly maintain it, weighing what I value above what I’ve been taught to value. If I want to spend a full eight-hour day writing or staring at a tree thinking about life, I’m damn well going to, and I’ll call it worthwhile because I got something out of it.

5. Bail out the water after a storm.

My favorite thing about Winter these days is storm maintenance. If you own or care for boats, you’re keenly aware of the weather — more so than the everyday citizen. Tides, currents, rain, wind, they’re all on a constant loop in the brain. But there’s a routine with sailors. Weather is unpredictable and requires preparation —a battening down of the hatches. In the last three years I’ve often found myself, head to toe in rain gear, running around docks in stormy weather, securing lines and prepping boats to survive whatever might be thrown at them. The wind comes and they rock and moan, and sometimes the dock rubs paint off the hull or the deck doesn’t drain properly. There’s not much you can do during the storm, but come sunny day, it’s time to go and sort the vessel out. We tighten anything that got loose, bail out the water, and get it back to it’s prior condition.

By now you’ve caught on, and you know that to me, this is also a metaphor for the “storms” in life. After the rain passes, and the clouds clear, don’t forget to bail yourself out. Take a step back, reflect on what damage the storm might have caused, and spend time sorting it out. It’s just mental maintenance. And that’s just part of the deal.

While it’s not an exhaustive list, these are some of my rules and guidelines for seaworthiness. For navigating emotional weather and learning how to harness the wind. After all, that’s what a sailboat is supposed to do, right?

Love you so much S —

Talk soon,

💙V

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February Recommendations & Favorites:

• If you’re enjoying the nautical theme, you’ll love watching Sailing La Vagabonde on YouTube. This hilarious couple has been sailing around the world for about 10 years now, and watching their “episodes” used to be my brother and my favorite pastime. While their current videos have a high production value, I also really recommend starting from the beginning!

• Been loving and dying to this album by Leith Ross :)

• Finished reading When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi in January— if you’re okay with medical jargon and often think about the meaning of life and death, this book is for you! Had a great time reading it, and it goes pretty fast for all my folks in a reading slump.